Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life, one you may have been dreaming of for your whole life. Weddings are a time of celebration — for your love for another person, the friends and family who have supported you along the way — and to dress up in fancy clothing is incredibly exciting. But, the pressure to look perfect in real life and in photos that will last forever can be daunting.
But really, is there a better way to celebrate than feeling amazing about the way you look, just the way you are? I don’t think so! That said, let’s talk about some helpful tips for staying positive and loving your body at any size throughout the wedding planning process & beyond.
Chase Images. Wedding Dress: Stella York bought at Sorelle Bridal Salon, Wedding Party Dresses: Azazie
Ditch the Diet Culture
Diet and wedding culture can present beauty ideals that we can’t possibly live up to. Unfollow the social media accounts that bring out your insecurities and replace them with positive images of body diversity and plus-size bloggers to remind yourself that you can be beautiful and confident at any size. Instead of obsessing over photo shoots with only fashion size models, look at wedding photos of real couples to remind yourself of realistic expectations and minimize comparison. Shower yourself with extra care throughout the wedding planning process to give your body the love it deserves. Meditating, long bubble baths, and moving your body are all tactics to increase positive feelings about yourself. A boudoir session to celebrate your body can be a major reminder of how beautiful and strong you are. (Or, consider a couples boudoir session to celebrate both of you and your love for each other!)
And whatever you do, don’t skip meals before you shop! It will just make you hangry and cranky, which won’t be fun for you or anyone else.
Ditching diet culture isn’t just for you; keep things real for your wedding party, too. We all hear about mandatory diets, kicking out wedding party members because they don’t “fit in”, and choosing outfits that don’t fit everyone. These are big no-nos for keeping things positive and happy for everyone you love enough to include in your wedding.
Emphasize What you Love
Reflect on the parts of your body that you truly love the most and play up those features. If you have long legs, consider showing them off with a cocktail style dress. If you love your eyes, incorporate dramatic eye makeup into your look. Emphasizing the features that you love can help to detract from the areas you feel self-conscious about and boost your confidence too.
Steven Dray Photography; Allure Bridal bought at Kleinfeld
Steven Dray Photography; Allure Bridal bought at Kleinfeld
Do Your Research
Find designers who offer outfits for all sizes in their collections, and you can use directories on their websites to find stores near you that have their designs. With so many of online resources today, you can easily research vendors who cater to curvy bodies or read reviews from previous customers. And of course, ask your wedding planner for recommendations. Some of my favorite designers and vendors who have options for all sizes are Allure, Wtoo, David’s Bridal, Igigi, Stella York, Roz la Kelin, Mori Lee, Eloquii, ASOS, SuitShop, and Generation Tux.
Recruit Your Hype Crew
Throughout the whole planning process, but especially when it’s time to find the outfit, surround yourself with positive vibes only. Select only your most positive and encouraging friends and family to accompany you to the bridal salon. Let your hype team know ahead of time what their job is - to hype you up! Of course you want honest opinions, but it’s ok to ask them to be gentle in their observations. Your squad should also be there to build you up when you are feeling discouraged or falling into the body shaming trap. Having a positive perspective can be incredibly helpful during this time. If you don’t have a good support system locally and want to shop here, I will happily come be your one-woman positivity parade!
Choose Body Positive Professionals
Kaitlyn Logan Photography; Wedding Dress: Haley Paige bought at The Brides Project, Alterations by Netta
Also included in your hype team should be your consultant who is assisting you at the store and your alteration seamstress. Let them know going into the appointment if you have any concerns or insecurities. But, trust your wedding consultant! Try on the outfits and silhoettes they suggest, even if you don’t think they will work. You may be surprised.
If you are trying to avoid fixating on numbers, don’t be afraid to ask the boutique not to mention sizing throughout the process. After all, the perfect dress is about how it fits and feels, not the size tag, and wedding gowns are known for running small. You have enough stress over your wedding - don’t let that number add to it!
Your vendors should never make you feel self-conscious or uncomfortable. If they do, don’t be afraid to leave right then. You are in control of the process!
Some of my local favorites are: U R Beautiful (Bethel Park), Koda (Mt. Lebanon), MarWin (Irwin), White Lace (Indiana), Rusted Rose (Johnstown), and Sorelle (Washington). Be sure to check out wedding consignment store Bridal Maven (South Hills) — the stock there is rotating, but she has beautiful options at amazing prices. And for alterations, you can’t go wrong with Topaz Thimble and Alterations by Netta.
Mental Health is Body Positive
No matter how many measures you take to reduce stress and negative influences, no matter how great your support system is, wedding planning can be an overwhelming period in your life. Make sure you are prioritizing things activities that are fun and anxiety reducing: cuddle with your fur babies, have a spa day, meditate, do something endorphin boosting like a night out dancing with friends or exercise.
To paraphrase Elle Woods, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t shoot their wedding planning partners. They just dont.” But, endorphins aside, it’s important to make sure you and your partner are also doing things together that aren’t related to wedding planning. It’s easy to lose sight of that is all you are focusing on together is the emotional drain of wedding planning.
Prioritize both your mental health by focusing on doing things - together and separately - to keep your relationship flourishing. This can include therapy, as a couple, as individuals, or both. There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. After all, your relationship is much more than just the wedding!
Keep Things in Perspective
No matter what else you do, take stock of the real reason you are getting married — building a life together with someone that you love. Your partner loves you as you are, and the perfection we see in the media is a myth anyway. Consider creating a mantra to repeat to yourself when self-doubt creeps in. Your mantra should help you focus on the aspects of your wedding day that you are most excited about or a part of yourself that you love.
Ultimately, your worth does not come from your appearance. When you reflect on your wedding day in the future, hopefully you are filled with wonderful memories that are not focused on how you look. Don’t allow self-doubt to overshadow the experience and fun of the planning process.
You are absolutely enough exactly as you are, so cheers to you!
Title block and header images by Michaela Kessler Photography.