Getting married is one of the most exciting and memorable days of your life. When you live with a chronic illness any day can be difficult, and managing your wedding day can quickly become stressful, overwhelming, and even painful. In part two of our guide for how to plan a wedding when you have a chronic illness, I’m exploring practical tips to help you navigate the actual wedding day with comfort, ensuring a memorable and manageable celebration.
Plan Ahead for Your Specific Needs
The best way to make sure that you have a comfortable and enjoyable wedding day is to to take steps before the day arrives to make sure everything you need is in place when the day arrives (check out Part 1 of this series for all the specifics). You know your body best, and you know what will likely trigger flares or stress on a busy day like your wedding, so plan ahead to mitigate those circumstances and create the day that will best fit your and your partner’s needs. If you have dietary preferences or restrictions, plan the menu around what you can and will eat. If mobility is an issue, chose a venue that is accessible and have the entire event there. Bonus points if it has great getting-ready spaces with lots of room and natural light so that any styling services you’ve booked can come to you there as well.
Your needs and wants should be the focus of your day; design a day that will be the best wedding day experience that you can have. There are lots of things to take into consideration, but for those of us who are “spoonies”, here are a few specifics:
Plan time for rest and even private breaks from your guests into the wedding day timeline.
Make a plan for food and water breaks throughout the day, and make sure you have a designated person to be in charge of keeping your snacks and drinks nearby for easy access.
If you have an medication that needs to be taken at a specific time or any extra medical equipment that will need to travel with you throughout the day, designate someone to be in charge of it and you don’t forget about it.
Communicate with Your Vendors
Talk to any any applicable vendors about any specific needs, preferences, or concerns related to your chronic illness ahead of time to ensure your needs for the wedding day are met.
Photography and Videography
Discuss comfortable poses in areas where you feel most at ease ahead of time to calm any apprehension you may have about your wedding photos. Also consider,
rather than long spans of picture taking, consider splitting it into smaller sections with breaks in between
consider poses that allow you and even other members of your wedding party to be most comfortable, whether that is sitting or even leaning on others in the photograph.
consider scheduling a completely separate session on a separate day for wedding portraits rather than taking them on your actual wedding day
Michael Will Photography
Alterations Expert
If there are any concerns that may effect your alterations session, such as sensory or touch sensitivities, alert your sewist to ahead time.
If you have any physical needs or medical accessories that you will need on your body throughout the day, such as an insulin pump, make a plan with your sewist for any alterations that may need to be made to your wedding day finery to accommodate those items the most comfortable way.
Hair and Makeup Artists
Jackson Signature Photography
Just like your alterations team, if there are any concerns that may effect your wedding day styling session, alert your styling team ahead of time. This may be sensory or touch sensitivities to be aware of, that your session will take longer than other sessions due to taking breaks in the process, or that there are healthcare accessories like a nasal cannula to take into consideration.
There also may be things that your styling team can do to make you feel more comfortable and confident in your wedding day look.
For example, my autoimmune disease Myasthenia Gravis can cause weakness of the eyelids. We tried false eyelashes out at my makeup trail, but after wearing them I felt that they exacerbated the weakness and caused my eyelids to droop more than normal. On the actual wedding day, we used mascara to make my lashes look long and lush, even though false lashes are the industry preferred method, and other makeup tricks help my eye appear wide open throughout the day even as they got tired and inevitably started drooping. We also used extensions to disguise the thinness of my hair caused by my medication.
Ultimately, clear communication with all of your vendors ensures that your health needs will be satisfied and respected.
Manage Fatigue
For many of us who live with chronic conditions fatigue is a huge consideration, whether physically or mentally. Think carefully about the things that tire you most, and design your event with ways to avoid them.
Jackson Signature Photography
Set a positive tone for the day by starting it in a calm and comfortable environment that accommodates your health needs. Choose a comfortable getting-ready space that offers adequate seating, good lighting, and easy access to essentials that you may need. Don’t forget to hydrate and have something to eat before the day is in full swing.
Physical Fatigue
Chose wedding day attire that you will be comfortable in all day long, or consider a change of clothes for later in the day that might be more comfortable than your original outfit. Ditch the heavy elements of wedding finery like large dresses, long veils, and huge bouquets, or find lighter alternatives to them.
Consider having seating for the marriers and the wedding party at the ceremony, rather than having them stand the whole time.
Instead of a mingle-style cocktail hour, design a centrally located seating area for the marriers during cocktail hour and allow guests to come to you. This allows you to enjoy conversations with your guests while relaxing and resting.
Place lots of comfy seated lounge areas around your reception so there is always an easily accessible place to sit for a while. This will add to your guests’ experience as well, especially of you have any who also have accessibility or muscle fatigue needs. Perhaps consider placing some other activities like board games in these areas for those who aren’t partaking in dancing.
Sensory Fatigue
Steven Dray Photography
Have a sensory friendly space to escape from all of the noise and extreme stimuli that come with a typically wedding day, especially a reception. It could be a room just for you to visit whenever you need a break, or you could open it (or another sensory friendly space if you want your privacy) up for other guests. You could even include fidgets, board games, and other activities for guests to enjoy. I’ve even had a few marriers have an entirely sensory friendly wedding day with no loud music, lights or other things that might trigger themselves or guests.
Build a Flexible Timeline and Be Prepared to Implement Plan B (or even Plan C!)
Have a fluid timeline for managing your health needs on your wedding day. Plan the timing of the day for when you typically feel your best and work closely with your wedding planner to build-in time for rest breaks. Designate a private quiet space for a wedding day rest area where you can recharge and manage your health as needed. Pace yourself and listen to your body to avoid triggering symptoms of your condition.
Despite your best efforts, you may still experience challenging symptoms on your wedding day. Have a Plan B for every situation, whether it’s a second pair of shoes for swollen feet or a or an alternative timeline in case of a major symptom flare. Bring prescription and over the counter medications, back ups and extra batteries for accessibility aids like hearing aids or cochlear implants, heating or cooling pads, mobility aids, etc., and designate a specific person to be responsible for keeping them nearby all day. Staying as comfortable as possible helps everything go more smoothly!
Maya Lovro Photography
While juggling wedding planning and chronic illness diagnosis might seem daunting at first, take it step by step. You and your partner deserve a magical day together. We can help you navigate these considerations, ensuring that your wedding day is as magical and stress-free as possible for the memories that will last a lifetime.
Let me know in the comments what you found most helpful on your wedding day.
Happy Planning!
Be sure to check out Part 1 of the series, In Sickness and In Health: Planning a Wedding While Managing a Chronic Health Condition, if you missed it!