5 Things to Do First Once You’re Engaged
Recently someone asked in the Pittsburgh Wedding Community, a Facebook group I help moderate for people planning a wedding in western PA, “What is the first thing I should do now that I am engaged?”. Each and every couple and situation is different, and there is no right or wrong way to go about this, but there are certain things that need to be done at the beginning of the process no matter what kind of wedding you want and what else you do.
Here are my top five things to do once you have that sparkly bling on your finger. Or before that - I know you’ve got that Pinterest board full. I’m not going to tell, I promise.
Photo: Photography by Amanda Wilson
Enjoy the Moment
For most of us, I think the tendency is to jump into planning immediately after we have that ring on our finger. After all, it’s exciting. The big event is finally here and the vendors book fast. But, I would encourage you to take some time to soak in the moment. I’ll be the first to tell you that wedding planning is going to add a new level of frenzy to your life. (But, it doesn’t have to be stressful, especially if you have help from an expert! Hint, hint.) Savor this period in your life; celebrate with friends, family, and your partner before you jump into the planning process.
Why not celebrate the engagement by having a boudoir session? Photo: Jenn Marie Wedding Photography at The Fine Art Wedding Workshop Swan Lake styled wedding boudoir shoot. Garter: The Garter Girl
2. Insure the Rings
Any time you purchase something with a hefty price tag, like that brand new engagement ring you’re flashing, you should check to make sure it is covered by your renter’s or homeowner’s insurance. You may need to add a jewelry rider or something similar to cover it (and the wedding rings. And any expensive wedding presents you may get). Every policy is different, so call your agent just to double check. Better safe than sorry.
Photo: Jackson Signature Photography at the Wedding Day Walk Through Workshop
3. Set a Budget
First things first: repeat after me - budget is not a dirty word. (Budget is not a dirty word.) A budget is just a number. Every wedding has one, and you will save yourself a lot of trouble and emotional distress if you can create at least a ballpark figure of how much you (and whoever is helping you finance the event) can spend when it’s all said and done.
It doesn’t have to be exact at this point and it can certainly be flexible, but your life will be much easier if before you start researching and booking vendors you decide the upper limit of your spending and approximately how much of that total amount you want to allocate toward each element of the wedding. This will give you a framework to build your event within and help keep you from having to cut or leave out elements that you had your heart set on because you can’t afford them later on.
There are many ways to do this, and a simple spreadsheet certainly will work, but I recommend finding a wedding budget tracker app that you like to help with this. Bespoke & Beloved planning clients get full access to the Aisle Planner tool suite, which includes an amazing budget tracker. It not only tracks your total budget spending and allocation, but individual vendor spending and payment due dates.
Photo: Bespoke & Beloved Events at 2018 Styled Shoots Across America Conference
4. Decide the Key Decision Makers
One of the hardest parts of planning your wedding is all the people who want to “help” by telling you what you should do for everything from choosing vendors to what lines you chose to what traditions you include. My advice is to decide early on who the people that you will listen to and allow to influence your decision making.
Often, this is closely tied to who is contributing to the payment of the wedding. If you and your partner are paying for everything, it’s much easier to say that you are the only ones who have the final say. If others are contributing financially, they may feel that they should have a stake in the decision-making. Ultimately, only you can decide who you are going to allow to have say, but if you decide early on who is on that short list and stick to that decision, it will save you a lot of emotional stress and hair pulling as things go.
5. Choose a Venue and a Date
These two items basically form the base for all the other vendor decisions, so most people start with these. There’s no right or wrong way to choose your venue and date, but you’ve got to have those set before you can move onto other vendors and decisions.
Choosing a date goes hand in hand with the venue, as you can’t have one finalized without the other. Obviously you’ll have some idea when you want your wedding to be before you start looking, but venue availability can play a key role in setting the date, especially if you have your heart set on a certain venue.
And unless you chose somewhere that is a complete blank slate, the venue you select sets the tone for all your other design decisions so that they complement the venue’s aesthetic. Most people have some idea of that aesthetic as they go through the venue selection process, but you don’t know the specifics until you have the location secure. And of course, its location and vendor policies can influence the selection of other venues heavily.
Photo: Jackson Signature Photography at the Wedding Day Walk Through Workshop. Stationary: Fresh Cut Prints
Bonus Consideration: Guest List
I didn’t include this in the top 5 list because we all know that the guest list isn’t really set until the last minute. (I was rewriting place cards the afternoon of my wedding!) But having a ballpark figure of how many guests you could have is so important to making sure that your budget will cover your event and making sure your vendors have accurate information to base their work on to have enough for your event. Take some time with your partner (and any of those other key decision makers) to talk about who should get an invite. I think it helps to have the upper and lower limits decided for the event -- at most, if everybody you would possibly invite could come, and at least, the fewest you could possibly see inviting. Most people don’t think about the lower number, but some venues and other vendors have a minimum of numbers (or money, which is ultimately the same thing) that you have to meet, so it’s an important consideration.
Photo: Taylor Marie Photography at Workshops by KMP Utah Desert Workshop
Extra Bonus Consideration: Hire a Planner (Me!)
I hope these are helpful for you as you start planning your happy day. If you're interested in having some more help, I’d love to chat with you about how our planning, design, and coordination packages can help make your planning process so much smother and more stress free. Send me a note, and let’s get together for coffee and a chat.
Photo: Kait Mace Photography at Workshops by KMP Utah Desert Workshop
Photo: Anna Laero Photography. Shoes: Badgley Mischka. Ring: Beeghly and Co. Jewelers